Ah Goh

happy new year everyone!
wish i will have a gf soon.......
really.......
no matter how much pain inside, i'm willing to sacrifice for the sake of love.
i really will sacrifice everything for love.
if i can just fall in love again. and of coz dare to love.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.........

U know my style don't you?
When I am emo or not in a good mood, high chances that I will be writing a post here.
And here I am, writing/sharing out right here.

Tomorrow, or later afternoon since is Monday already, suppose to be a good good day to me. I am suppose to go shopping with my good friends. Shop, lunch, movie, dinner, shop again. Oh yeah, gonna be a good day. Got a blueprint already.
But
But...............................................................................

Something "DISTURBED" again!

Wanna know my 1st reaction?
"oh.. fine, I don't go then".
"maybe I should go Mid valley myself instead".

After seriously thinking about it.
Maybe I should just join the gang as well. Maybe the "Disturbing" won't arise or come.
Shouldn't over reacting it isn't it? yeah.. but I really don't wanna see her face. and with him. I feel "yuck, geli". Sorry u reading this, but this is how I really thought, and yeah, that "feel" is always there ever since it started.
That is why I try to distant myself from it.

Then I think again, wtf i'm posting this?? Yeah, is sucks to see someone u don't really wanna to see in a day where u want to enjoy.
but wtf with my confession in here right?
COZ IS MY BLOG!
Tell you what? After typing it, i feel comfortable a bit, feel like after typing it, don't wanna post it already. Why must I make a fuss about it??
Just a small matter. Yeah is a small matter, but it do "disturbed" me a while.

But guess what? I still gonna post it coz i already typed it.
Good Night

Lately, I think I been acting strangely.
Yes. Strangely.
Is it because of what?

Really no idea. Maybe the "foreveralone.jpng" topic in lowyat forum is really freaking me out xD

Must to be brave.
Must have the courage.
Must break free from my fear.

Didn't go back hometown this week. Tired of driving and i don't want to stuck myself in traffic jam. Hate traffic jam.

Tomorrow must play badminton. Entire week didn't play badminton already. Can feel the fat is growing around my body.

Lately really feel strange. Don't know what I should write.
Just hope I can really break free from my fear.

Okay, I wake up around 9 something as usual. Have my breakfast which is economic noodle. Go and play badminton.

Not a good game at all, hand still can feel the pain and is was getting worse.
I think I have to stop playing badminton for a week or two. =(

Come back home, FB, download games. Download download and FB, the light keep blinking.
Great, have to change a new tubelight myself.

Then clean my house.

Waited so long for my dinner as the restaurant is running out of food, the one inside PV5 one.

downloaded few types of downloader, all sucks, only xunlei excellent, in fact, it is running quite fast. Loving it.

Saw a girl posting emo and sad comment, no doubt another relationship broken. Good for her, she can find another better guy that really love her.

Purposely view his profile, saw those photos tagged him.

It really have a feeling after seeing those photos.
What kind of feeling?????
I still can't really figure it out.
Heart broken? Not really,don't feel sad.
Hate? Kind of, but not entirely.

I know, DISTURBING.

Yes, is kinda disturbing, is not sad or hate, but kinda "disturbing" knowing that the girl that dump you and go back with her ex and now is with your "previous" close friend.

As for the ex, of coz I don't really give a dam about it. but the so called "previous" close friend, the feel is kinda funny u know? hi, we were almost like buddies, hi, guess what? u are now in a relationship with my ex who dumped me and continue back her relationship with her ex.

I should feel great right? NO.

I should feel "oh shit, what the fuck you are doing? u are having a relationship with my ex who dump me and continue back previous relationship with her ex?" Kind of seriously. Kind of, not entirely.

I should feel worrying coz she dump me and go back with her ex. She is kinda dangerous to trust, did u even know her ex live very close to her? Most of her friend in SP is her ex's friend! Well, kinda have this feeling too but not entirely.

So is kinda of like a bit of worrying, a bit of shocking and a bit of hating too.
So I use the word "disturbing".

So the question come when a bitch doubt my so called own "labelled" good friends or buddies which i just used.

Can I congratulate my so called good friend/buddy for having a relationship with my ex who dumped me and continue back previous relationship with her ex???

Can I ignore the fact that she lied and cheated someone who is me of coz and say to my so called good friend/buddy that she is a good girl, wish you both can forever together???

Can I do that??? Am I be such ignorant till such level?
Can I feel comfortable with such situation??? Preventing nothing happen? "She cheated me?? No, she didn't. Hehe... we were just friends, she is a good girl, beautiful, patient and full of love heart". HELL NO! (I LOLed when writing this, LOL)

So THE REAL QUESTION! What I should do?
U know, the moment my so called buddy give me a shocking news like this, it really bothered me for quite a while, couple of months.
What I should do?

1) Pretend nothing happen?

2) Ignore them?

3) No more good friend or buddy anymore?

4) Promote my ex? (LOL for myself only kay? Not viewers)

5) Curse them???

What I did???
Let me recall,
Promote my ex? U kidding me? who will do such a thing?
Pretend nothing happen? How to pretend wor??? Almost everyday see this couple.
Ignore??? How to ignore wor, classmate everyday also see.
Curse them? Honestly, I did when I initially know it. LOL...
I actually, ignored my so called good friend/buddy, so no more good friend/buddy right? Kind of.

My fault? No. Happy? No. Sad? No. Hate? No. Disturbing? Yes. Bearable? A bit. But I better just disappear myself and learn how to accept this "disturb". That is why I unblock my ex, for quite long already.

It just feel strange. Why such thing can happen to me. I mean, don't u feel is kinda WTF?
Whatever. Don't really care much already.

u are my everything.

yes i'm drunk. and i'm loving it. it feel good, unconscious. wishing that i could fall in love again. try to know more friends.
try to mix up with different people.

If i have a gf, i will fold at least 1 thousand stars for her.
i will sing a song for her


too bad i'm not in love. I wish i'm in love, but i'm not. I'm just floating around. A loss soul to be honest. Enjoying single life.

Living alone. If i ever meet my true love.

Hello Blogspot. I been blogging for quite a while already. Hm... actually is all the way from 2009 I think. Not really sure.

Today my brother, Hoong went to Registry of Marriages. I actually feel really happy for him. Is very hard to maintain a relationship when both is separated physically when her gf is at singapore, but in the end they make it. Really feel great about it and all the years of relationship. Hope they can make it all the way.

(posting picture in blog is a very very very rare)

Today off day, sat might need to go back to work, still unsure about it.

Today my umbrella spoiled already, making me moody. Not only that, i actually wasted 1 hour of driving around in the KL. Initially i thought i don't need the GPS as i think i should able to recognize the road. but nightmare came as raining come. Missed the turn. FML....
and when almost reach my home, my mind constantly thinking should i go to atm as i'm running out of cash. Make an illegal u turn and guess what? the fking atm out of service. really spoil my mood.

just now someone posted about beer. Suddenly making me itchy for beer, actually is itchy to get drunk. Why i want to get drunk? Happy, reduce stress, can emo too. can laugh for no reason, can get high, can make think lots of things. can rage out my revenge too xD just kidding, i'm not a violent person. although i still remember that night at besides The Library (recall back when she said she was drunk there too) when i drunk with others as they were celebrating someone's bday, i was really drunk, but i really know i'm still conscious. I know i vomit. and i also purposely consciously tell you to stop touching my girl, well my ex now. but that was a long time ago, UTAR 1st semester holiday.

Sometimes, when a person like me who is so desperate, there is no doubt that people like me will keep thinking what if this, what if that, although we have to publicly amid we don't, but sometimes, when we are alone, sad, tak ada mood, somehow we really think about it. What if...... what if i tell you that i know the road all along, just to purposely take the lengthy journey so i can sit besides you longer.
WHAT IF~~~~


u know what i'm recalling back all the old memories? when i log in my facebook on my netbook,

guess what?
my ex classmate ger account.

and guess what?
my ex is in the 1st post in news feed,

guess what?
i deleted her in FB for like 1 or 2 years already.

guess what?
I'm still single.

Guess what?
I was boring

Guess what?
I'm a very 8 gua person.

click it. view here, view there. Post a status in my ex classmate friend's post to at least warm her the seriousness of forgotten to log out.

Wait, this song really make me singing.


Tomorrow is Friday, not in a Friday mood as I might go to work on Sat. Still thinking.

okay good night, i am not going to continue with steven's story part 2 yet. Lazy to write. Tired already.

Getting tired easily lately. Don't know is whether I'm getting older, getting weaker, having health problem or just too busy, don't have enough time to rest which in fact I'm quite busy for the entire month!

Since I have nothing to do, I would like to talk a story about a guy. His name is steven.

Steven is a 22 years old guy, just like most ordinary people, everyday wake up, work, back home, internet, sleep. Keep on repeating.

He do have lots of friends but surprisingly, he doesn't have much of close friends. Most are just the people who he meet on his surrounding environment.

One of his best friend in his secondary school is on New York where he never meet him for years ever since he leave M'sia.
Another best friends who just finish his last exam paper in university, is currently in his hometown, Ipoh which is same as his.
Another arguable best friend, college and university mate, is in KL, but he barely speak to him anymore ever since his confession after finish playing pool.

Steven currently always hang out with his colleague and some of his university friends. Besides that, Steven barely have any contact with his other friends.

Steven favorite sport is badminton. His first started to play badminton at the age of 8 or 9 years old. Surprisingly, at such early age of playing badminton, he did miserably in all the competitions he participated. He 1st competition was during his Form 1 year at secondary school where he lost in the 1st round. He join again during Form 3 and he do achieve some great achievement as his partner was amazingly excellent, but in the end he could only make it to semi final. It was one of his best achievement so far. The last competition he joined was a competition organized by MCMC. He was knock out in the first round.

He was a slow learner but he never give up on continuously improving his badminton skill. Even until today, as a ordinary folk who work from 9am till 6pm(usually until 7 or 8pm), he willing to rush back home which take almost 1 hour and rush to the badminton centre to play. Even with tired mind and body plus occasionally suffering pain at shoulder. He nevertheless continue to play even if he meant to loss the game.

Steven was a guy who is willing to sacrifice anything (mostly his time and money) to ensure he can have a good badminton game. There was once, where need to fetch 3 people at 3 different location plus he need to go to another place to lead his friend to the badminton centre. From his office, rush back to his home, pack his stuff, go fetch friend A at genting klang, fetch B and C and wangsa. after that, he have to drive around to look his friend who is unsure his own location. After 45 minutes of searching. Finally he found his friend. It took 1 and a half hour to fetch and lead his friends to the badminton centre. He never regret it, never.

Currently, steven always play badminton on Tuesday or Friday or even Sunday depending which day he is free.

Like many others, Steven is a big fans of Android. Steven can always spend the entire night reading news or forum about Android after work. Although steven never bought any high end or expensive android phone, he still use his phone extensively.
Currently Steven has a new phone call IDEOS X5 and another one call Wildfire which is still in the factory for repairing purposes. (expect to get it by next monday)

As any ordinary folks, they will probably think that a guy who is so into a phone, know what apps to install, know how to root and so on should able to format his pc easily. Infact, steven STILL don't know how to format his pc.

Steven is a kinda emo person. So sometimes, Steven always recall back the old memories. All the great time he had during his old time. Steven was usually a guy without any high hope. He usually fail his exam during his secondary school.
but ever since he enrolled into TARC, and after reading lots of motivation stories in the newspaper and via online. Slowly, Steven become a very self confident person. Sadly, sometimes Steven can be very arrogant as well as he will openly criticize anyone when things is not according his way. Overall, he was becoming a better person and he dare to dream and achieved most of his goal by getting all the As, knowing the road of KL and increasing his badminton skill too.

After two years in KL, he finished his diploma. Steven have two options. Further with Advanced diploma at TARC or get a degree in UTAR which is located in Kampar.

Before making such decision, steven was once chasing one of his classmate. He was chasing the in "full force". Move in and stay with her (different room, same house). Fetch her to school or bus station and so on. He even went to Genting Highland as well with other housemates. He was very enjoying and thought it was time to confess. But Steven was actually a very shy person. He was just too shy to confess. Steven still remember it was on year 1 semester 3, after finish last paper, Steven tell himself, it was time to confess. Before he confess, he actually secretly read a message on her phone while she was in toilet. He was heart broken to found out that the girl she love was wanting to avoid him. That night, steven spend the entire night keep talking with the girl. and it was very late at night. Steven was running out of topic to talk. but he was very shy to confess. After a while, he confessed, and get rejected. He still remember what is the girl reaction and the sentence "不可以". Steven smile back and say it was okay. and when back to the room and cry.
He wanted to go out and seek for more answers. but think again, he better just sleep.
Next day or the same day, he message and if she was really seriously considered it.
And she say yes. Better be just friend.

Ever since then. Steven barely join his lover's gang anymore. Barely go out shopping with them and dinner or lunch with the gang. During year 2 semester 1, Steven was quickly joined another gang, DAC group 1. And steven's life was instantly changed.
His life was very outgoing. Steven at that time, arguable was having one of his greatest time in his life as a student. (although he personally feel his greatest time as a student was during form 5 in secondary school)

Besides that, after the confession, steven don't go out dinner with his lover anymore. Instead, steven started to have dinner with his roommate(yes, he got roommate at that time and all along he ignored his roommate when chasing the girl).
Things was going very well, they start dinner, da gei, watch movie, and so on. they also helping each other by fetching us other, steven fetch him by car or his roommate fetch him by motor or steven's car. Things run well with both of them.
Until now, steven do occasionally miss his ex roommate(as he was quite lonely with a person staying in a room).

After 1 year, when deciding the decision. There are few factors that influence steven to choose UTAR.
- he can't forget her.
1 year already, steven always stare at his lover, purposely ask her some stuff and
so on. Steven know his heart was still belong to her. He need to stop it.
- he make some enemy with his own classmate.
steven publicly criticize some of his own classmates and some of them dislike him.
(steven do make an apology in his old blog during that time)
- most of his gang (dac group1) was going to utar.
after joining with the group, steven's life was full of memorable stuff. He doesn't
want it to stop just there, he want the journey to continue.
- financial difficulty as his dad prefer him to use ptptn to finance his study

After finish diploma, steven moved to Kampar to further his degree program with one main and important motive, to be with the girl he love and the girl who love him.

To be continue.....
(if i do)