Ah Goh

lately i been sleep till very very late only wake up.
these few days i wake up around 12noon, maybe i can't get to sleep at night
Just now my parent arguing, shouting because of the delay of the lunch.zzz.
Just keep silent.
today is weekdays. Don't know what to do, 3 weeks long holidays. So long.
To be honest, I been very down lately, i haven't smile at all except playing game and watch football. I'm sorry to make u discomfort. All i want to do to make you come back to me. I'm sorry. So sorry. gtg. going out jusco with father.
CORRECTION: TESCO, NOT JUSCO.

Just come back from tesco.
i need to regain back my normal sense. I feel i have totally loss already.Keep emo non stop from morning till i sleep.

Come back from KL, so tired bcoz of lack of sleep for 3 days in KL. Tiring walking everywhere, at least i got shop some cheap goods.
I very happy to see her during the 1st day even just for few minutes. I'm happy to see her smile.
Lately, lots of things happen.Do you know i think of u from morning till night?
I even bring the gift u give me back to ipoh.
Why is this happening to me? I know u need time to sort out yr heart.
but sometimes i just too scare to loss you, maybe i am really selfish. Yes I am.
I really want to make u happy, just now afternoon i called you, hope i can make thing back to normal a bit, but i failed. U are 182KM away from me. I hate this. I hate holiday, maybe because of last time unfruitful change after holiday, which make me have phobia over holidays. I know u sure will be going out with him, i'm pretty sure he will kiss you. I'm sitting here can't do anything except call and sms you.
I'm very scare. I hope u still keep the stuff i give u in KL.
I don't want to let go, I know deep inside your heart u still think of me, I can still feel yr heart still have me.
Everything happen for a reason, can let me be yr meaningful reason instead of nightmare?
If u have make clear of yr mind already, please tell me, don't defer it. But i beg u please think carefully, there is no turning back.
Please stop thinking that u are bringing misery to me, I'm very happy to be with u, I really do, I cherish every moment we had together, especially when we go out for movie for surregate, and windows shopping at timesquare, mid valley, studying together, msn chat till late late.
I'm only suffer when u ask for break, but i don't mind since u want time to think, i willing to bear the suffer if it can help u sort out the mess inside yr heart.

I keep video calling u but it seems u had changed yr phone already. Maybe sleep already since i sms you, but the message still pending. So i miss call you.

Just now afternoon, my friend fetch me by her moto. long long time didn't ride a motorbike already. Went to her bf house. Only realise she was helping her bf burning DVD. xxx too, I was like OMG, his house store lots of DVD. I feel pity for this girl, she help him clean his house, wash his clothes, clean his room, even help him burn xxx DVD. Felt pity for him, she deserve a better life. I only feel the different life of the "other", it so terrible, the bed so was dirty, quick a very different experience coz i never see such a dirty bed b4.
i was so bored at the house, when u sms me, i quickly call u. 12 share some story to you.

Keep checking the delivery report see whether u receive my sms.
I really don't know what to say already. I come this far already, actually when i told my friend about my story, lots of them give me negative feedback, but i insist to continue, coz i really happy(nvr been that happy b4) when i first fell in love to you,i never have such a strong feeling toward someone except you even u have bf already that time.
U must know i'm really happy to fell in love with u and happy to be with you.

18 december already. This year gonna end soon.
Time goes so fast, but uncertainty still arise in my mind.
The presents, don't know how i should deal with it, this week chat a lot with my previous classmate, some studying, some working. Don't know can meet them or not next week, quite heavy scheduled trip. Suddenly feel 4 days 3 night not enough, maybe i will stay longer. Not sure yet, still i have control my cash flow too.

Today she give me this.
Quite cute.

To be honest, I'm still clueless now. I don't know which direction I really need to take.Thank god holiday come in a right time. I need to think carefully. Need to be alone to think carefully during holiday AT IPOH, coz i really need funs at KL.
Hopefully can get a job, much better. Don't care much about the salary.
After holidays, need to fully focus on study.
Never thought it will end up like this. just want to together with the one i love and the one who love me. Just want a have a ordinary relationship. Everytime i see people having relationship, those pic, outside, i really admire them, especially aaron, sometimes i see them i really want to go tell them appreciate yr partners, she/he really love you, May yr love last forever. really admire them and really happy to see them can last so long, having celebrate 1 year anniversary. Suddenly i feel like don't know i can achieve it or not. suddenly feel that achieving those happiness really far far away from me already and is getting more far away from me.coz we already separated. if i tell aaron or miao wen, i think they will shock of it. Nope of them even know this. coz i tell them they will have talk somethings i don't want to listen.
sorry i kiss u, lost control.
again i have say again, it didn't affect my study.
U must know i taking risk to continue, i'm scare, but i'm willing to do so. I trust the 3 words you told me.
I want to love someone, and i wanted to be loved by someone i love. I'm happy previously I'm in relationship. Don't let this statement to be change in future.

Waiting for your call, I'm sick,
call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
I'm listening
to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember, butterfly
Early Summer
It's playing on repeat
Just like when we would meet
'cuz I was born
to tell you I love you
and I am torn
to do what I have to
to make you mine, stay with me tonight
Stripped and polished
I am new
I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious,
you and me
flesh to flesh
'cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes
What's you fantasy? What's yours? What yours? What's yours?
What's yours?
cuz i was born
to tell you I love you
and I am torn
to do what I have to
to make you mine, stay with me tonight
And I'm tired
of being all alone
and this solitary moment makes me
want to come back home
And I'm tired
of being all alone
and this solitary moment makes me
want to come back home
And I'm tired
of being all alone
and this solitary moment makes me
want to come back home
And I'm tired
of being all alone
and this solitary moment makes me
want to come back home
cuz I was born
to tell you I love you
and I am torn
to do what I have to
cuz I was born
to tell you I love you
and I am torn
to do what I have to
to make you mine, stay with me tonight

I think we should cool off.
This the sentences she told me. Not the first time, I think is the 3rd time.
I agreed without argue or ask why anymore.
I have no idea what to do.
I will not make any assumption.
I will just sit there and see.
Remember, you are the one who ask for break up 1st, 2nd and 3rd. 4th i think do exist too not mistaken. Yes it is.
Yes, i'm too over a bit to invade yr privacy by adding your friends in facebook, check yr message, check yr profile. I'm sorry. I'm just too worry.
I don't want this to happen, it never happen during the initial stage.
The break up come out so suddenly, but i did not shocked. I will keep all the stuff in the meant time. When the right time has come, the right action i will take.
What kind of action i'm going to take is depend on you current and future action.
I hope u will think carefully and rationally before u make another decision.
You say you still love me you still care me, show it to me.
Don't take things for granted anymore, I will not close my eyes again.
I really don't know what will happen in future, i have no idea what to do or should i say what can i do?
Will I treat u the same after this?
I don't know.
I always think of you and i love you as always as it is.
I am so speechless.