last 2 semester in Kampar.. So fast..
today is 19/10/2010. I remember ............ the painful period i had last year.
(i stopped 20 minutes)
just read back what i wrote on my 1st post on my other blog "Just me"(please bear in mind, is a private blog, not for letting other to read, for my own record only)
I feel I was kinda immature during that time after reading back, but one thing won't change, I still feel the pain, can I use the word "suffering"?
silently suffering. I remember it...Is been almost a year. My determination is vanishing already.
(it wasn't part of my motive to write those, just come in my mind when i look at today's date)
what to write?
Holiday went to KL with housemate
then go again with 2nd school classmate
quite enjoyable actually..
long time didn't go out to have a real good time
Sometimes, I don't know what am I thinking.
sometimes, I can be very resistive towards knowing stranger, but sometimes, i treat stranger as if it is my friend.
Of coz when know each other is friend la. But sometimes, the mood just change, it just change, I can't define myself.. i found myself kind of unpredictable.
Sat meet a girl, haha.... a ipoh girl. Added her quite long ago but never chat amd finally few days ago start chatting.. Never plan to really chat with her, but since i was boring, then start chating lo.. didn't expected to chat so much stuff..
speaking of girls, i think the last time i really meet a girl(initiated on my own) was that 3 leng lui..
haha... is like almost a year ago.. dated january..
I think I wasted lots of time...
Time to move forward
I will throw that bottle away..
I will...
will it really broke if i throw it?
looking at it now..
it has so many stars inside..
it so valueable..
.............tear dropping..
folding star was consider "bai chi" in my mind in the past.
how on earth i become so bai chi...
1.30 already(started at 12.30).. should i drive out and drop it out??
exam coming next week, this semester is probably my worst exam preparation ever. Until now, i'm haven't confidently say I will score in any subjects i'm taking.
Advanced Taxation
Advanced Accounting Practice
Human Resource Management
E-commerce
I hope I can get 3 As..
hahahaha... AT get A- in coursework, hopefully get A- too in final
AAP haven't know yet. But I'm very confident is accounting paper. I just need more practice.. 2moro will know my progress when I revise my AAP
HRM??? depend how much i can memorize.. Hopefully I can.
EC??? u suck EC.. this subject i hate it as much as i hate audit.
that all for my study progress for this semester.
and RMP die hard liao.. hopefully, luck is with me/my team.
is already 1 year since the 1st day we were together, is been 9 months she leave me. 9 months... I been alone for 9 months.. without yr love... yet... I still think of she..When I will stop thinking of her???
Anywhere, good news, I become Android user(finally).. haha.. really having fun with the phones. 1170, 700 financially supported by my mum as a reward for my result achievement along the years in college till now.
3 years ago, I never thought I will become a good driver, never thought of having a car to drive, never thought i will have my own pc, never thought of having my own netbook, nvr thought of having a smartphone. Finally, everything is in my hand.
one thing still missing. Love.... I really personally feel i tried my best, I don't think I did any wrong, until she leave me... I always thought, always treat yr gf nicely, listen to her, be a good man. Everything will be fine. I guess I was wrong.
NO ONE CAN JUDGE MY LOVE TOWARD HER, beside her, she can judge me only. F*CK THOSE bystander who even criticize me. I still remember EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU who accused me I'm a barbarian.
Anywhere, is the past already. sometimes, i keep thinking, i should move on, the next moment, i will think of hoping she will come back to me. If she... everytime this happen, i will remind myself, she dump me because of yr ex, she still love her ex. I will go view that bastard fb page, see "in relationship with zhen juin". yes...
forget her...she don't want me.. she want that guy only...don't dream anymore ah goh.. my best friend told me to break up when i know something was not right, he was right, but i didn't listen. jess told me I'm stupid to ask her back, she was right, yet i still do that sometimes. emily told me to move on, she was right, but i didn't listen. i just can't....... or can I????
will i fall in love again? don't know... hope i will....
Is been a long time didn't write blog already.
Now is year 3 semester 1 already, last semester was just moderate, but CGPA dropped slightly.
Got a free netbook from streamyx after registering streamyx uni cool pack. A cacat netbook I can say, it slow, is small. But is really portable to bring anywhere.
My brother now living with me in the same house but different room.
My phone's screen have dead pixels, yet I haven't fix it. Haiz... Lazy to take it to repair.
Sometimes, I feel the world is very unfair. Although I have to accept things will always not going in our ways, but sometimes it really hard to swallow the truth.
Is been half years after break off. My feeling now???
Hard to tell, I do get back my ordinary life, but some how my heart will feel lonely. All the girls I like to be with are all got bf already. Haiz.. sad... Even I meet a girls which I really interested also in relationship with someone already few days ago.
My feeling toward ex?? hard to express. My mind sometimes will think of her coming back to my life, but I know I will not, I should not consider or accept someone who cheated their lovers. Sometimes, I still thinking why she would leave me, did I did something wrong? The bottle of stars is still with me. I will throw away one day. When memories flash back, I loss count how many time I had beg her to come back my life even I found out she cheated me. But I can assure there will be no next time already.
Getting the feeling of where I started in the beginning. Continue living my life to get the most out of everything and keep waiting the right one to come or waiting myself to fall in love with someone. In the meant time, keep listening songs, enjoy when I can or emo when I'm lonely in the room coz I always wanted to share my life with my the one I love and the one who love me. Will it really happen? I don't know.
My 1st relationship, was a really hurt. Why must I always with a girl I love but never be with them? College was like that, now university also like this, but this time even worst. Last time was a simple I don't love you. Now, all kinds of Lie!!!! All the things she done behind me, I still feel the hurt thinking back now, sleep with another guy behind me. Accuse me back I was third party. Cheated me but ask me to keep secret. Can't believe she turn into such a girl. I was angry and hurt to an extent, till now, everytime i recall back, I still feel the hurt. I feel in love with total of 5 girls till now, 1st one was form 1, 2nd and 3rd was form 5, 4th was at college, 5th was her.(excluded interested)
CAN YOU GET AWAY FROM MY LIFE??? I hate to see u appearing in my life. U lie me, even ask me to wait u even u don't even mean it and talk like u never say those words!
I should forget her, but the impact is so much.
When I will really stop mentioning about her? I don't know. She keep appearing in school. I don't wish her luck anymore. I wish she would just withdraw. Go go back to yr lovely Kang, go back SP.
Hsiz. Still got 1 year of student life. Must fully utilize it before graduate.
I would really love to love someone, but as for now, I really don't have the feel to love anyone. I can go out with other girls with one on one to tackle the girls, but I really can't create the love feeling and some of them also got bf.
If I have a good roommate or housemate, maybe I can forget or don't emo easily. I really miss my ex roommate, thx to him, I really have a good college life(of coz ah zheng them too). Honestly, I'm really lonely all the time in the house. Nobody to talk to. Feel so lonely. I just need someone.
1st of all, is going to be exam soon 3 more weeks. Starting to do revision already which is a good sign.
secondly, I'm starting back to play badminton already.
I will start having breakfast starting this coming Monday. Hopefully I will.
I will set a time frame. The latest I should sleep will be 2a.m. unless got special event.
Is been 4 months since the day we broke off. 8 months already from the day we started.
Tell me, where are you? Where is your heart? Tell me what are you doing? All the things you told me, all the things we done, all the time we had together. What are you doing now?
If we were still together, I already in bed if I'm in Ipoh and if I'm at Kampar I will be with you at your house(almost definitely) studying or playing.
Honest to yourself, is it worth it to make a decision like this?
All the pain, all the suffering all the crying and tears, is it worth it to make such a decision?
To my biggest nightmare, you had chosen him, not me.
It really hurt so bad when u told me u and him are together back.
It really do. I was so down, i had to force a smile just to take a picture with my mum. Tell me, why are u treating me like this?
Don't tell me I'm a third party. U told me u both broke off and it really did.
Remember that Tuesday night you walk to my house to seek explanation?
Why why why? Why we must end? Is there conflict? Distance? What went wrong? Why u love me during the 1st semester and your heart was starting to gone by 2nd semester and totally gone this semester?
It so different when i go to tesco. I don't buy any chips or chocolate anymore. When I'm free, I just go back ipoh, not rushing back Kampar already.
I never send a good night message or I love you or what so ever similar message for quite a while already.
u had leave me alone right here right now. Everyday try to find someone to talk, try to fill back the broken heart, go out meet people, meet him her him her him her,but nothing work out.
I had to force myself to keep thinking of him in order not to think that I can have u back. I hate myself to let myself to fall for u so deep. Why after months, I still think of u, why still purposely attract yr attention to read this?
I want u to care me, to love me, but u are not anymore.
I had no idea what is in yr mind already.
Maybe u don't care a shit about my blog, u still reject me in facebook.
I really wish that i can make a total blackout about all my thing from you. I can't.
I hate those love song which help to cure me to continue to have faith in this love.
I hate 为你而活. I HATE IT! I HATE IT SO MUCH! I still have lots of faith of having u back even when we broke off until 31-12-2009. How can u ask me to don't find you anymore? I rather ignore my parent and listen you, and u tell me this.
Before I end this post, i never end the relationship, don't ever criticize me for not loving u. U can criticize me about my personality but not my love toward you.
No one reading this blog. Maybe just you only.
I'm not seeking sympathy. Expressing my feeling into a blog. Not even to a single human. Maybe to u only since u are reading if u really are.
Is a sad day. Although I put a smile in my face, it really hurt inside.
I FAIL MY COURSEWORK 1.............................!!!!!!!!!!
Never fail any coursework before until this time around.
In the middle of the semester. it is obvious that every students gonna very busy about their tests, assignments and presentations. Finished 4 tests in 2 weeks, still got 5 tests for the next 5 weeks plus 3 assignments with 1 assignment due date is next monday which is now currently in progress.
All I can say is that these 2 weeks is so so so so dam busy and tiring. Due to CNY, we were relaxed for 1 week b4 the busy schedule which make us more lazy toward studying.
Finished 4 tests, don't think I gonna get high score. Haiz.. As expected.
1 assignment to be due this monday. Just now i only start doing it. Luckily is not a hard one, but a bit technical in term of finishing the assignment.
Tomorrow going to KL club one night and then the next morning come back to Kampar. It is going to be a very exhausting trip but it going to be a very fun too. I already very exhausted, need tor rest were to play hard. Hopefully tomorrow will finish my part of my assignment.
Lately I been waking up late.really late. Haiz... Sometimes I hope I can just like a computer. Delete mean gone. My plan at the beginning of the semester is totally a failure.